When the World Goes Dark
by KWrite
Summary: For the Wizarding World, October 31, 1981 was a day of salvation and celebration. For Sirius Black it was the day that his world ended, no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that it was all a dream. Oneshot.


"James, Lily, Harry. James, Lily, Harry." Sirius chanted their names over and over again, forcing himself to try and remember where they lived. He had been trying, on and off again, for the past five days with no success. It should have made him happy; it meant the Fidelius charm was doing its job, but instead it made him distinctly nervous. If he didn't know where they were, how could he be there to help them if they needed it?

And five days of built up nerves, combined with not leaving his house for almost as long, meant Sirius was stir crazy, a bundle of nervous energy. He hadn't slept for longer than a few hours at a time, and most of his sleep came in the form of short naps on his couch.

"They're fine," Sirius told himself, staring into a mirror. Perhaps it would have worked better had the reflection staring back at him been more familiar. It had been at least a week since he had bothered shaving, and the small beard that had grown was almost alien on his face. The lack of sleep and the stress were the cause of giant bags under his eyes, and his clothes, although good quality were very rumpled. "They're fine," he muttered again, but he was certain he wouldn't be able to convince himself.

With a tired sigh, he turned away from the mirror, only to grab another handheld one. "James Potter!" he called as he held it up to his face. His face, just as dirty and tired in the small mirror as it was in the larger one, was the only thing that peered back at him. "James!" he tried again, but still the mirror refused to show him anything but his own face.

"Answer me, you bloody imbecile!" he growled. "James! Prongs! Lily!" He continued to call out, his voice getting louder and his language coarser, before he tossed the mirror away with a frustrated shout. Sirius glared at the mirror as it bounced off the wall and clattered to the ground, like it was the mirror's fault he was so frustrated. "Bloody piece of junk."

Leaving the mirror where it lay, Sirius began to pace and resumed his chant. "James. Lily. Harry. James. Lily. Harry."

It didn't seem to keep him occupied for very long though, and soon Sirius stopped pacing in favour of sitting down on the couch he had been using as a bed. With a heavy sigh, Sirius tried to think of a way to get in contact with his friend that he hadn't tried already. The mirror hadn't worked. The Potters' had taken their home off the floo network before Harry had even been born. The Fidelius charm kept him from visiting in person or from getting a Patronus message through. Owls too slow and too dangerous. The charmed paper that all the marauders had used to communicate with one another during their final year of Hogwarts and after graduation was a no-go, any message would appear to all of the marauders and with the uncertainty regarding Remus, Sirius wasn't willing to risk it. There wasn't anything left.

Except… Sirius' eyes flickered over to his fireplace. He couldn't get James through the floo, but he could get Peter. He had promised that he wouldn't have Peter reveal the secret of the Fidelius, but he had made that promise five days ago before he realized just how difficult it would be to not know.

After only the briefest hesitation, Sirius drew his wand and with a quick flick had a fire blazing. Tossing in a handful of floo powder, Sirius called, "Petigrew's house" and stuck his head into the green flames and banged his head against the back wall of the fireplace. "Fuck!" Sirius swore, as he jerked back, rubbing his head and wincing at the pain, as he watched the fire turned red again.

Still rubbing his head, Sirius stared at the flames for a moment, as if he couldn't understand what he was seeing. It wasn't something that happened often when using the floo. He hadn't seen something like that since… since, James had tried to floo to Lily's family home the morning of their wedding because James, in a moment of panic, wanted Lily to tell him that he hadn't imagined their entire relationship and she really was going to marry him. But the Evans' home wasn't connected to the floo, so all James got for his troubles was a minor headache and soot all over his wedding robes, that Remus had cleaned up with a laugh.

The memory, rather than making Sirius smile, made him frown. A closed floo connection. Peter's favourite mode of transportation was through the floo; he'd never close his connection. As a sense of panic began to build, Sirius didn't bother trying again, instead, he leapt to his feet, and pulled his wand out again, before turning on the spot.

With a loud crack, Sirius disappeared and apparated outside of Peter's house. Without hesitation, he bolted up the front steps and flung open the door, not bothering to know. "Peter?" he shouted, "Where are you?"

Silence was his only answer. He was really getting sick of silence being the only response when he spoke. With great force, Sirius forced himself to remain somewhat calm as he examined his surroundings. The house was completely undisturbed, with not a thing out of place. Very Peter-like. He had always been the neatest of the marauders.

"Wormtail?" He tried again. "It's me, Sirius." Still no response. "Peter! Wormtail!" His calls were getting more frantic as he rushed through the house, searching for a sign of his friend, any sign.

"James, Lily, Harry. James, Lily, Harry." He began chanting again. As long as he didn't know where they were, everything else was fine. Surely if the Fidelius charm were to fail, it would be him, James' best friend and Harry's godfather, that would remember first where they lived. Not that it would fail. They were safe and they would remain safe. Peter was safe too. "James, Lily, Harry. James, Lily, Harry. Godric's Hallow." Sirius froze as the words slipped out of his mouth. He felt their significance, but his mind seemed unable to remind him why Godric's Hallow was important. Pausing in his frantic search, Sirius strained to remember the significance of the small town. His effort was rewarded with flickers of a house and memories of a small room where he sat on a couch next to Lily.

Relief flooded through him for a brief second before replaced with fear. He wasn't supposed to have any memories of where they lived. If he knew, then others could know as well. Preparing to apparate again, Sirius tried to picture the house in his mind. Cursing, he tried again, and failed, again. "They're in…" Sirius froze, his mind blank, as he tried to recall where his friends lived.

"Think, you idiot, think!" he growled to himself. It was like there was a thick fog settling on his brain, preventing him from thinking, but he knew he knew. "God… Gryffindor… Godric! Godric's Hallow!." He shouted in success, as he pushed past the fog. But even as he tried to apparate again, the name of the town began to fade from his mind, and he couldn't picture it clear enough to be able to try to apparate.

After one more attempt, Sirius wrote the idea off as a bad one. He'd never manage to apparate there without splinching himself, or worse, and that'd be of no use to James if there was a problem. Which there isn't, he told himself fiercely.

A second of hesitation later, and Sirius apparated, reappearing in his own home, with all limbs and other body parts properly attached. "Godric's Hallow. Godric's Hallow." He was chanting again, determined to not let the town slip from his mind again, as he ran outside to the small shed on his property. A quick spell and the entire front of the building vanished, leaving a clear path to the large motorcycle within. Another spell and the motorcycle was revving to life, before he even reached it and within seconds, the young wizard was seated and speeding out of the shed.

—-

It was the smoke he saw first, high in the air on the flying motorcycle. By the time he was close enough to see it, and recognize it as smoke and not a cloud, the chant of "Godric's Hallow" had faded, and Sirius pushed the bike to go faster as he whispered fervent prayers like he had never done before in his life. James, Lily, Harry. They had to be alright. They had to be.

Landing the bike ungracefully, Sirius leapt off and ran toward the burning house - could it really be called a house when it seemed like an entire wall was gone and windows seemed to have exploded outward? - not caring when the motorcycle fell to the ground behind him.

As he reached what had once been the front door, he came to an abrupt stop as a tall bulky figure appeared just inside the house. Instinctively, Sirius drew his wand, and pointed it at the figure ready to fire off a spell in a second if needed. "James, is that you?" he called out.

But as the figure stepped out of the destroyed house, it wasn't James that emerged, but the large man was unmistakable. "Hagrid! What happened?" Had Sirius been calmer, he might have been more surprised to see the half-giant, but as it was, all he could think of was his need for answers, for an explanation.

"Sirius?" Hagrid, on the other hand, was surprised to see Sirius. "They're gone, Sirius. You-Know-Who he… he…"

Hagrid couldn't finish, but Sirius didn't care. The few words the giant man said didn't make any sense anyway. It was like the fog that had prevented him from remembering where James' lived had returned, but this time it was affecting everything. "Gone? Who's gone?"

"James 'n' Lil-" Hagrid was interrupted by the scream of a child. "There, there," he said awkwardly, trying to calm the toddler that Sirius hadn't yet realized he was holding.

"Harry?" He asked, surprised, as stepped toward the pair. "Why do you have him? He needs to be kept out of sight." Sirius was frantic now. Didn't Hagrid know that You-Know-Who was after Harry? He couldn't be outside; it was too dangerous. "Where's James? And Lily? They need to be with Harry."

"Sirius," for the half-giant his voice was soft, but still loud compared to a normal person, "they're gone."

"Gone?" Sirius repeated dumbly. It was like he had never heard the word before. "But where? Why?"

"They're dead."

Sirius felt his whole body go stiff at the words. "No. No, they can't. They're not dead." It didn't make sense. They were supposed to be safe. "It must be a joke," he continued, "it's Halloween. James loves Halloween. It must be a joke." But if it was a joke, why was Harry crying? Why hadn't Lily or James come to calm him?

"You-Know-Who... he…. he killed them, Sirius." Hagrid said with a sob, loud enough to cover the cries of young Harry. And that seemed like enough to break Sirius out of his stupor.

Reaching for the toddler, Sirius said, "Give me Harry. I'm his godfather. I need to get him somewhere safe, until James gets back." His mind still refused to believe what Hagrid had told him, despite the proof all around him.

"I can't Sirius," Hagrid said. "I promised Dumbledore that I would bring him to Lily's sister. Dumbledore said he'd be safe there."

"Alright, fine." Sirius didn't have the energy to argue right now, and he knew where Lily's sister lived. He could go get Harry just as soon as he found out where James was. "Take my bike," he offered. "Harry likes it and I won't be needing it."

"Are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should come with us. Dumbledore could help you."

Hagrid sounded worried, Sirius noted with disinterest. Probably about Harry, Sirius decided, it was rather cold out tonight. "I'm fine. You should probably go. Harry's going to get cold."

"Are you sure?" Hagrid asked again.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius said, waving off Hagrid's concern. "I've got to find James."

"Sirius-"

"You should go," Sirius interrupted. "Take care of Harry." And with that, Sirius stepped around Hagrid and into the house.

The house was in complete shambles. Broken glass and splintered wood everywhere. Sirius paid no attention, not even when his robes caught on something. He just yanked on them until they came loose with a rip.

"James? Lily?" he called. "Where are you?"

He poked through the house slowly, not letting his guard down. He was not going to give James the satisfaction of jumping out and scaring him.

"James, this is ridiculous!" The house was too quiet, Sirius decided as he shivered for reasons that had nothing to do with cold.

"Li-" Sirius froze as he caught sight of a familiar shade of red across the floor. "Lily?" he called, entering the room that he vaguely recognized as Harry's, the entire thing was destroyed, and there was Lily Potter laying sprawled across the floor. Kneeling, Sirius shook his friend. "Come on, Lily, what are you doing? Wake up." Sirius shook her harder. When she still didn't respond, Sirius gently moved her, trying to sit her up and have her lean against the wall. She was too cold and too stiff to manage, so eventually, Sirius gave up, letting her lay against the floor again. "I… I'm going to go find James," he told her, "you stay here."

Sirius made two quick sweeps around the house without any sign of James. That was good, Sirius decided, it meant that all of this was just some dumb joke. James was okay, and probably just waiting for Sirius to get good and worried before popping out from under his stupid cloak to try and scare him. Well, Sirius wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. With practiced ease, Sirius transformed, and where once stood a man now stood a large black dog. Giving himself a shake, the dog lifted its head and sniffed the air before he began to trot through the house, pausing occasionally to sniff again. It didn't take long before the dog was standing in the front room, a cold breeze blowing in from the hole in the wall where the door used to be ruffling his fur.

Moving slower now, the dog crossed the room slowly to where it seemed part of the roof had collapsed in, covering the floor. And there, sticking out of the rubble, barely visible in the dim light, was an arm.

Sirius didn't intentionally change back to his human form, but within seconds he was back, kneeling down as he cast spell after spell, vanishing the rubble. Soon enough it was all gone, and Sirius was kneeling beside his best friend. James looked fairly good for someone who had been buried by the roof of a house. His glasses were broken, and he had numerous scrapes, but Sirius had seen James looking worse after Quidditch practice.

Still, being buried by one's house wasn't a laughing matter. "James! James!" Sirius shouted. "James, wake up!" Shaking his friend with a desperation that he had never felt in his life, he kept calling. "Prongs!" No response" James, this isn't funny." James was so cold. "Wake up." Sirius could find a pulse. "Get up, you scrawny git."

Tears sprung to Sirius eyes, but he didn't even bother to wipe them around as they rolled down his cheeks, faster and faster. His breath came faster too, but no matter how quickly it came, he felt like he wasn't getting any oxygen. This couldn't be happening, it couldn't! There was no way any of this was real, but even as he tried to deny it, the reality of it all had slowly set in.

Sirius pulled James' body up, wrapping his arms around his friend as he sobbed, trying to ignore how cold the body was. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. You were supposed to be safe. You promised me you were going to be safe."

How long he sat there, cradling the body of his dead friend and he cried, Sirius couldn't say, but he would have stayed there forever, guarding the body of his friend, his brother, were it not for a picture he saw out of the corner of his eye as he made the effort to grab James' glasses. The picture wasn't anything new to him, he had seen it many times before. He had a copy of it himself, one of the few pictures that he had hanging in his house.

It was of their graduation. James, Peter, Remus, and himself all hugging and smiling as they stood together at Hogwarts for the last time. They were in the middle of a war, a war that they were suddenly going to be fighting, but it hadn't mattered to them at that moment. Then, they were on top of the world, newly graduated and ready to take on the world. Sirius didn't think that he had ever been happier in his life.

The picture was a lie. James was gone, he would never smile again or hold his son. Remus, Sirius wasn't sure what had happened to Remus, but he was certain his friend had changed. He was not the same person that he had known in school. And Peter...

Sirius had thought that he was too numb to feel anything more tonight. But as he turned his attention to Peter's smiling face, Sirius felt his blood run cold once more. Peter had been the secret keeper. He was the only one who could have revealed James' hiding place and there had been no sign of a struggle at his house. No sign that anything at all was wrong…

"No…" Like he had been doing all evening, Sirius tried to deny what he saw, tried to deny the truth, but once again it was staring him in the face. "Peter…" He couldn't have been the traitor; he couldn't have been. But if he wasn't then where was he and why was James and Lily dead?

James was dead. The truth was undeniable, and Sirius wasn't going to rest until he knew how, and that meant tracking down a rat. "I'll be back soon," Sirius promised as he stood up, ignoring the way his legs ached. "I'm going to find Peter and then I'll be back." He needed to leave soon though, because he had no idea where to find Peter. "I'll look after Harry like I promised. He's going to be safe, I promise." For the last time in his life, Sirius looked at the face of his best friend before turning on the spot and apparating away.


End file.
